Friday, January 2, 2009
Don't Wear Sweat Pants If You Want To Lose Weight
You'll just keep expanding and expanding because nothing feels tight. Then you put on your "fat" jeans and they are tight and you are thrown into the depths of despair. Then here comes the funny part - I instantly want to fix it right away. Start doing jumping jacks / drink alot of water / run in...
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Wednesday, December 31, 2008
My Doctor Lied To Me And Threw Me Under The Bus
After he completely over-medicated me to the point of passing out - he signs a paper taking my license away. I was just on the phone with the Bureau of Driver Licensing and they told me what the form said - and when I asked him what he was putting on it he lied. Oh - he had the secretary lie to me....
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Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Sonic The Hedge Hog
I hate the man I live with. I hate his stupid hair - he gets it cut real short on top that looks like Sonic The Hedge Hog. Or it could pass for someone putting a piece of sod on top of his head. I hate his stupid camouflauge wardrobe that he wears for hunting. Everything matches. Hats / gloves /...
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Saturday, December 27, 2008
Flirting With Disaster During The Holidays
Just when you think you are coasting so joyously through the tides of Christmas - here comes some horney jerkoff to ruin the moment for everyone. Mix alcohol, lust, and the yearly realization that you are either alone because you are an asshole / or you are in a boring loveless marriage that should...
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Sunday, December 21, 2008
Smoked Salmon Is Like Crack Cocaine To Me
Mr. Man's cousin lives in Alaska and sent us his special smoked salmon for Christmas. Being the seafood lover that I am (I hate oysters, clams and lobster) I absolutely love salmon. At the bar I made the best Salmon Bisque - even Alaskan with all the little bones. The shipment arrived and there were...
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Friday, December 19, 2008
My Demons Came To Visit Me Last Night
Or in the spirit of Christmas - I was Scrooganized!!! I was on the depths of despair and in the true behavior of a mentally depressed middle-age woman - I went line by line / year by year / picture by picture / of every stupid thing I had ever done in my life. Well - in my case, I did a little...
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Wednesday, December 17, 2008
"No Officer - I'm Not Moving"
He looked at me like I was crazy. "Move your truck down the lane lady - there are too many vehicles and it's getting jammed up at the Main Street." "No - I am not moving" and I rolled up my window and completely ignored him. He was fuming. Today was the day of the Annual Christmas Concert and the...
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Monday, December 15, 2008
Group Therapy Went From Anxiety to Anger Management in About 10 Minutes
I arrived for my bi-weekly psychotherapist visit (she was sick last time and cancelled) and she asked if there was anything new. I told her that I had stopped taking the Luvox because I was sleeping my life away and that I was having mini panic attacks. But we are all waiting for the results of the...
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Sunday, December 14, 2008
Why Don't We Do It In The Road, or on it...
The Beatles - THE STEELERS BEAT BALTIMORE!!!!!!!! that's all I have to say
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Friday, December 12, 2008
The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Portable EEG Units
The whole experience itself was kind of mundane yesterday - but it is what happened before and after that really had me agonizing. I was scheduled for a 24-hour EEG test where you get the plugs glued onto your hair / wear this big battery operated purse thingy / and write down anything strange that...
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